Sometimes it seems like I’m constantly balancing my love of bacon with my love of sport. They’re my two main loves, to be sure, but they don’t have a lot in common. I go to squash on Wednesdays, soccer on Fridays and then Netball is most Saturdays, plus on Mondays there’s cricket practice even though I’m not in a league. Sounds simple, right? Well, I just have to come back and have my bacon. It’s like my treat for playing all that sport, and there’s no better time to eat something unhealthy than when you feel all fit from exercise.
But it’s lately started to take over my life. I need bacon, all the time, so much so that I’ve started to carry some in my pocket during sports games. There was recently a giant scandal regarding the new cricket nets that our local sports centre purchased, in which they had to be removed due to people finding patches of grease all over them. So now they have new netting, and I’m starting to realise that I’d been absent-mindedly wiping my fingers all over them during our practice. Well, you can’t bat OR bowl with greasy fingers. I had to get rid of the grease, for the sake of the team! And I’m wearing whites, so just brushing it all off on my trousers isn’t an option.
Oh, what to do? I can’t just carry napkins in my pockets, because I need a LOT of bacon while I’m playing and it would just get greasy and useless. And yet, I can’t keep committing this terrible transgression against sports netting. And I just know my other sports are going to suffer, because I need bacon for all of them. Sometimes I don’t even think I NEED the sports, if I can have bacon. I’m probably going to need to offer a donation to my local club for new soccer netting. I think that is a worthy sacrifice for the deliciousness…of bacon. Why play sport at all, in fact?
-Porkins