I 
swear it’s not me this time. Yes, I did once go on a long streak of smashing glass, but that life is behind me now. I would never compromise my life with Frankie by breaking the law. I mean, true, I did trespass into offices to give them a design makeover, but that’s different. I’ve left glass smashing behind. I don’t know who this new Glass Smashing Bandit is, but it’s clear that they are just a poor copycat.
Why would I give up everything I’ve earned, just to smash a stair balustrade? Why would I make such a sacrifice, after everything that I have been though? Why would I get legal immunity for my past crimes through Australia’s Next Top Office, only to throw that away several months later? I have a good life, a life that I’m happy with, and I’m not going to sacrifice that.
Honestly, I’m pretty hurt that everybody assumes this was me. I’ve seen the pictures, and they are clearly the work of an amateur. Frankie believes me when I say that I had nothing to do with this, but nobody else does. Yeah, I understand how bad it looks, but this is clearly not my work. My glass smashing was art. It made a statement about society, about the world. This is clearly just some psycho who wants to smash glass for fun.
At least every glazier near Melbourne will have a lot of work at the moment, I guess. That’s a bit of a silver lining, however slim. I’m sure those bumbling detectives will be here to question me soon, but thankfully I have a pretty strong alibi. I should be fine, because I didn’t smash all that glass. Surely the law will recognise that.
Honestly, it wouldn’t even surprise me if they forgot to check for fingerprints at the scene of the crime. If they did, they’d clearly be able to know that I’m not the criminal this time. I’m innocent, I’m telling you.