You know what I find disturbing? People with really violent sneezes. There are different tiers of sneezing, sure, and some people just have more visible reactions than others. I myself am at the bottom of the tier list, because all of my sneezes are so very weak they sound like minor coughs.
And then…well, we’ve all heard them. There are those people who sound like they’re trying to expel all of their internal organs through their nasal cavity. And it’s not just the outburst of air, either; they accompany it with a sudden, violent cry, as if they were charging down the hill to expel the British from their fair and bonny homeland when they suddenly tripped on their kilt and face-planted.
These people are a public menace and they need help, in my humble opinion. We have oxygen therapy services in Melbourne, and I’m thinking that these need to be made available. My own best friend is one of these people who expels sudden, sharp cries while she sneezes her guts out, and yesterday it nearly made me plow into a bus shelter. That’s just not right. That’s just not normal. These people need to be cured, before they cause some kind of national incident. I’m thinking it’s a breathing problem, hence why their sneezes are so violent compared to all of ours, and why I think some time spent in an oxygen chamber would do them some good. Maybe they have deep-seated issues stemming from something lodged in their nose from an early age, like a wad of pollen that’s been steadily growing, and the body’s only way of potentially ridding them of such a thing is to make them look like they’re being given the Heimlich maneuver by an industrial hydraulic press.
I suggested it to Pauline, and she looked at me like I was crazy. Oh, so hyperbaric chambers are for everyone else’s breathing problems except yours. Well, deny it all you like. When the inevitable plane crash occurs because of a co-pilot with a sneeze like a sonic cannon…they’ll all see.
-Jarra