Screw it, I’m just gonna be upfront about this whole thing and issue a bit of a disclaimer: I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’m not my usual chirpy self, I’m sorry that I’m about to drop a huge downer on you, oh reader, because today has been depressing and there’s no way I can write an honest article and neglect to mention that my crazy Auntie Dora has died.
Not that it wasn’t to be expected. Oh gosh, that sounds mean. That’s not what I meant. What I meant is, if I could have picked anyone to die suddenly under weird circumstances, it would have been Dora. She is – was – the wild card of the family, you know? Dying suspiciously in a freak high speed boating accident as she did was never out of the cards for her.
So now the whole family is uprooting and moving to the other side of the country for a couple of weeks, seeing as the funeral’s in Perth. Not that I don’t love Perth, I do, but it’s time off work that I don’t want to take off. I need money. I want to go to Brazil next year, I need all the money I can get. It’s not like I really knew crazy Auntie Dora anyway, she was always off on some trip to some obscure part of the planet. She hardly ever called. I mean, she did teach me and Hayles some sick karate moves, but that was when we were like eight.
Mum keeps saying her funeral’s going to be really weird. Apparently she asked to be cremated, and mum’s been having a hard time finding funeral directors in Perth who do that sort of thing. She was also talking about some kind of government intervention, maybe Muslims burn their dead and it’s some random terrorism crack down. Whatever it is, even though funerals are sad and whatever, it’s gonna suck to be away from home for two whole weeks.
I guess that’s just one of the things you’ve got to do for family.